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Today I can Blog

April 5, 2010

Today I can Blog.  Hey Bloggees, what’s up? Let me explain.  Woke up on Saturday with some old, old demons rolling around inside of me.  The ones that tell me: You can’t do it, shhh–be quiet, you’re a bad girl, it’s your fault, you should be ashamed.

Hopefully, most of you don’t have to experience these voices, these feelings, but I know some of you do.

Anyway, on Friday, I felt so angry.  So angry about the lives of so many girls, boys, women, and men that are taken away from them.  About voices that are silenced.  About people who are always pointed at and told, “You, you’re the one.  You’re the problem.”  So angry for myself.

So I raised my voice and I went and stood outside City Hall with a lot of other people who, like me, are also mad.  It felt good.

Here are a  few links to organizations that are fighting sexual slavery and child prostitution.  The first one is to a new organization that is really making a difference.  They need your help and you can donate through the website (even as little as $5) 

The second is a link to a story Channel 2 KTVU ran about this issue

And the third is a link to the Alameda County District Attorney’s offfice ( whoever thought I would be linking to them?)  They have a special program called H.E.A.T.  You’ll see it on the right.

Anyway, to finish my story:  On Saturday, I paid the price.  I couldn’t stop crying.  I cleaned the house, crying.  I went for a walk, crying.  Stopped to get something for Easter dinner, crying.

Am I falling apart? I thought.  Am I having a nervous breakdown?………………….No, I’m not.

Maybe, jut maybe, for a couple of days, I happened to drop that nice bit of denial I hold on to, that impenetrable shield I learned to build around me so I wouldn’t fall apart. 

You see, the book is a memoir, and all the things I blog about, all the little stories, oddities, and horribilities (I just made that word up, hmmm) are true.  They happened.

Most of the time I have a degree of distance from them.  The pen has put them in a place where, for the most part, they no longer hurt me.  But I’m not going to lie.  For a couple of days I’ve been feeling them.

What a blessing it was though, for all this to happen on the Easter weekend.

Because it was Easter, and I am a christian, I attended a few church services this weekend, while in the midst of all these feelings.  And I found out it was okay to cry on the day of our Lord’s passion, okay to cry on the day of his entombment, and  it was okay to cry with relief on Sunday;  the day of his resurrection.  So this is my shout out to Jesus.  Thank you.

Love & Perseverance

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