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Spring, bugs, self-esteem. There’s a connection……

April 1, 2011

Hey, Bloggees and Friends.  This was originally posted as “Today I can Try” – and trying is definitely what I’ve been doing, maybe even succeeding a little.  I know you haven’t heard much from me lately.  All I can say that life gets crazy busy and hard sometimes.  Still, that’s no excuse. but here goes.

Well, I had bravado, and I lost it.  I searched for self-confidence and couldn’t find it.  Then someone told me I should go get self-esteem.  Self-esteem would know where self-confidence was, they said.

So I began my search for self-esteem. 

I looked everywhere.  I fought through swamps, climbed over mountains, even looked deep underwater because I knew self-esteem didn’t want to be found.  He was hiding from me.  And I’d heard it was rumored that he was the last of his tribe.

I had to find him.

Exhausted after all that fighting, the running and then the climbing, and after such a long swim, I crawled out of the ocean, sat down on a rock looking out to sea, and cried.  It seemed I would never find self-esteem. 

Then I felt an uncomfortable little tickle on the sole of my foot.  It felt like some horrible bug.  Scared at what I might find, I jumped up, shook my foot as hard as I could, and wiggled my toes.

“Hey,” a voice said.  “Stop that!  I’m trying to stick with you, but if you struggle too much, I’ll fall off.”


Shocked, I plopped back down on the rock and gingerly lifted my foot to my lap.  Sure enough, stuck to my sole was a wiggly little bug.  Was that where the voice was coming from?

My silent question was answered immediately.

“Hi,” said the bug, “I’m self-esteem, and I’ve been waiting for you to sit down and take a break from all your running around so I could let you know I was here. You’ve been squishing me to death with your big feet.”

“Okay…?”  I answered, feeling pretty unsure of myself, and the whole situation as well.  I looked down in disbelief at the tiny little bug on my foot.  “Well, I guess I’ve found you, but I thought you would be a little more impressive.  Definitely a lot bigger and more powerful.”

I must say, I was surprised at self-esteem’s appearance – and his tinny little voice.  After all, I had been told that self-esteem was a big deal and I thought his voice would be loud and sonorous, sort of like the voice in the Wizard of Oz.  But then, when I took the time to look more closely, I realized that self-esteem was quite beautiful, with his tiny antennae of irridescent blue, wings coated in a rainbow of colors, and a body in the sweet round shape of a ladybug covering a multitude of feather-soft tentacles.

Self-esteem sighed.  “That’s what people always think.  You don’t know how many of us get squashed as soon as we’re hatched, what with all the crazy running around we have to endure.  And, you know, some people actually kill us on purpose.  Can you believe that?”

I didn’t know what to say, but self-esteem didn’t need an answer.  “Oh, how I weep when I think of all my dead brothers,” he lamented, his voice cracking. 

Was that a tiny drop of water I just felt on my foot?

Well, this was certainly a twist I never expected.  But, by now I had learned to go with the flow, even if only a little, so I decided I’d try to wrap my mind around the situation just as it was and ask self-esteem what to do.  It was better than guessing, I supposed.

“Okay Self-esteem, you tell me.  How do I make you grow?”

“Great question,” Self-esteem replied.  “And I’m happy that you asked.  I knew I had attached myself to the right foot.  See that ocean over there?”  he asked, flicking his irridescent antenna toward the matching blue beyond.

“Yes,” I acknowledged, “I see.” But for the life of me I couldn’t tell where all this was going.  I mean, DUH, how obvious can you get?  After all, it’s the ocean.  It’s big and blue and all encompassing.  You can’t really miss it.

“Well,” he continued, “Take a nice clean glass, fill it with water from the ocean and then put me in the glass of water so I can live happily and grow.”

“Wow, that’s great!” I exclaimed, impressed with how easy this was all turning out to be.  “But what does this have to do with self-confidence?” I asked.

“Wait,” Self-esteem commanded, raising a tiny tentacle in warning.  “Listen to the rest of the instructions.”

“Okay, I will,” I promised, now intent to learn the rest.  I sat quietly with my sole up, foot perched on my lap, ready to listen to his every word.  After so much pain and hard work I had learned, at least, to do that.

“Hm, hm…” Self-esteem cleared his throat, or maybe what passed for one, and then continued. “Most important, you must replenish the glass every day with fresh water from the ocean.  If you don’t I will never grow and may even die.”

“Oh, Wow.”  It suddenly struck me.  This was serious.  Growing self-esteem was hard work.  His life depended on me. 

Then my heart went out to self-esteem and in that instant I knew I had made the commitment to care for this tiny creature I couldn’t help but love. 

“Okay, Okay, I’ll do it!”  I nearly shouted, now excited at the prospect of  a new adventure.  Then I remembered.  “But self-esteem, I need self-confidence,” I insisted.  “Lots of it.  There’s so much I want to achieve and I need self-confidence to get it done.  When I asked other people about finding self-confidence, they said I needed to find you.”

Self-esteem rolled his eyes (was I hallucinating?)

“My dear, that question is so easy to answer,”   he sighed.  “Self-confidence, self-love, selflessness and self-forgetting are all my children.”

I peered down at Self-esteem.  Was he grinning?  At least I thought so.  Although maybe I imagined it because the truth is I would’ve needed a magnifying glass to see.  Still, I could swear that Self-esteem had the enigmatic smirk of the Mona Lisa plastered all over his tiny face. 

Wait a minute.

Had I mistook his gender?  Was Self-esteem a he, or was he really a she? Or something else entirely?

“Oh, and one more thing,” Self-esteem added, sounding now quite mischievous.  “You were asking so many quetions, I forgot to tell you.  I’m pregnant.  Now go get me a glass of water.”

Love & Perseverance

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