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Happy Birthday to Me! (Maybe)

August 24, 2011

Hello Bloggees & Friends,

It’s the day after my birthday – and I am floored! Happily so. So many people checked in with me to wish me happy birthday, and here I was, sitting around thinking I was all alone. Really, it’s true. I’ll tell you what it’s all about.

You see, sometimes the bike pedals uphill. I think a lot of you may know what I mean. Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t let go of my dream, haven’t let go of my heart, but the desert’s been mighty dry lately, the oars have been pretty heavy, my wheels have been spinning fast trying get up the hill (You may insert any stock “hard times” phrase you wish right here.)

So….back to sitting round all alone. I don’t really have any excuses. It’s just that I got tired. It’s just that for a minute, even though I tried to hold on, I lost hope. I stopped believing that it could ever be different and all of a sudden the world got heavy.

I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want to whine and cry either. But on the other hand, I’m not going to deny that sometimes I don’t feel good. That sometimes old feelings, old fears (and new fears) feel very real.

I’m only human, and contrary to all that lovely advertising and happy facebook living everyone seems to be doing, l want to say that I often feel confused about what is possible, what I’m entitled to versus what I’m not, and even what my deluded mind is telling me I’ve got to have, do or be.

Whew! Am I going crazy trying to sort it all out?

Probably.

Happy Birthday to me.

I love all of you.

Love & Perserverance

Kate

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